Little Letters

{This seemed appropriate.}

Dear people who are reading my blog,

First of all, thanks for hanging in there. Are you ready for a healthy dose of snark to kick your week off? (I am currently in Canada…so guess what kind of mood I’m in. Cue eye roll.)

Dear ScriptPro,

Why, dear Lord why, do you keep sending me to Canada? It’s become the trainer joke that I am the unofficial Canadian trainer. Oh, and it’s not really funny, so….please please please spread the Canadian love around the schedule. (I'M BEGGING.)

Dear Babe Walker,

I know you’re not really real, but you sure are funny. Thanks for tremendously improving my flight to Denver on Saturday—your newest tome, Psychos is heeeeliarous. (Oh, and dear whomever I lent my copy of White Girl Probs to—may I have it back, pretty please? I’d like a re-read sesh ASAP.) (Also—don’t click her links if you don’t appreciate offensive, yet entertaining, language and a satirical view on "rich kid" society.)

Dear State Troopers,

I GET IT. I am formally giving up trying very hard to give up speeding and you don’t need to bestow any more tickets on me.  Also, can we maybe talk about enforcing a national speed limit for interstates and highways? I vote for 80 mph. That’s manageable. And bee-tee-dubs, Canadian police force: I don’t think it’s fair or just that you can send me a bill for speeding when you don’t actually catch me in the act. I don’t even know where I was caught. Or how fast I was going. I would go so far to argue that it’s unconstitutional, but I suppose that is a moot point since you know...Canada.

 Dear Adrienne,

I will miss you, friend! I wish you tons of luck and success in your new career. If I ever need architectural supplies, you are my go-to girl. And darling, if we ever have another Book Club night that ends at a hookah bar, you better be there!

Dear metric system,

Why are you so hard to convert? (Note: Canada should use miles.) (On a related note, can someone Canadian tell me how many kilometers over the speed limit are acceptable before you get a ticket? Ten? Twenty?)

Dear Celsius degrees,

YOU DON’T MAKE SENSE TO ME. (Canadaaaaaaaaa. Sigh.)

Dear Sarah and Josh,

Happy birthday week to my besties!! Hashtag birthday buddies! Hashtag battle of the birthdays! Hashtag I’ll see you both this weekend! Xs and Os!